Self love is not the easiest idea to embrace. I find It’s so much easier to love someone or something outside of myself. I must admit that I struggle with loving all parts of me. The messy, not-perfect places are the hardest to hold space for. This week I was reminded that it’s not about fixing the parts that I don’t like or pretending that they don’t exist– it’s about loving all of it.
Can we meet ourselves right where we are?
I speak from my own struggle with wanting to get better, to be perfect, to do more — that just “being” is practice for me. It is gentle compassion in each moment — always without exception. The without exception is the part in practice.
The more I fought with myself this week– the worse my stress. My inner critic raged through my fear. And I realized that there was a part of me who does more as a way to feel loved– to be accepted & approved of– to feel worthy.
In theory, I already knew this– but when we experience it, it feels so real in the moment. All of our thoughts and behaviors that we created to help us navigate the tricky parts of life surface when we step outside of our comfort zone. Most of the time, as well as they tried, these startegies no longer serve us.
So I told this struggle to go away– that I knew a better way. And there began the stickier fight within me. I lost sleep– I obsessed and I couldn’t stop the inner battle going on within me.
What finally brought me peace? I laid down and did nothing. I let every feeling, every sensation have space within me. I did not judge- I did not attempt to push away. I surrendered to myself in the moment.
It was if I expanded and held a million pieces of me in a cocoon of self-acceptance and love.
It sounds so simple to surrender. I know I fight it still— the fear of feeling so profoundly causes a well of resistance.
And yet, the surrendering takes me home— it blurs all of my edges into soft focus.
It reminds me that love isn’t about perfection. It never was.