Mine is failure.
It’s big and heavy and it chases me in the night when I sleep.
Almost a year ago, Susan Hyatt sent out an email asking her readers what is the scariest word you don’t want to be called (a tool created by Shawna Morrow).
You see, I’m a do-er. I have achiever roped around my cells, tightening the fibers when I try to relax. So many fear voices that scare me back into my achiever mind-set. You haven’t accomplished anything yet. That was great, but what’s next? Your success hinges upon how much money you make — what are you doing now to make more? Are you accepted by your social circle– what will they think of …..?
I grew up in a social world that emphasized success through the measure of money, status and a never-ending list of achievements. I put on this suit of beliefs and carried it around with me — as a way for me to be enough. For me to be okay in the world. I wanted so much for others to see me as a success, I didn’t care too much the price. The marriage I no longer wanted to be in, the body that was suffocating me in its weight, the career that didn’t light me up anymore. As long as the world didn’t see my cracks— my exhaustion— my nights spent on the bathroom floor, sobbing to myself about how scared I was to disentangle from this shiny external web I had spun myself into.
It’s exhausting trying to run from this label.
And so, I surrender to it. Failing is such a power. It’s being brave enough to be you and live it. Without chasing. While hearing the fear voices, the old story of success trying to seduce you back to her, and most painful — the criticism or even rejection from others.
Martha Beck, one of my greatest mentors, says the truth always tastes of freedom— even when it stings.
So I stand here naked and bare in front of you, claiming my presence, my power. Practicing another line of hers — “Respectfully, I don’t care what you think”. Try it— it opens an whole new world to you, to your path, to living your life unapologetically.
Please join me in bravery and share your word with me— below in the comments, to a trusted friend, or send me a private message.
And if you are ready to get bare with yourself, I’m here. Take me up on it — with a complimentary session (no sales, no gimmicks). Just us.