I wanted to share some interesting things that have happened to me since I started the Whole30 cleanse about 3 weeks’ ago.
I chose the cleanse– not to put myself on any type of restrictions but to learn more about my relationship with food. Because how we do anything is how we do everything. What would my relationship with food help me to uncover?
Here’s what I am learning. I realized I am incredibly bored. Which is kinda funny given that I’ve got my hands into a lot of projects and I have lots of social engagements.
But the boredom stretches deeper than that for me. I realized although I have plenty to do— it’s the thought that food (or a new dress or a photo on FB) will make my life sparkle more. A lot of us were raised with an environmental diet that the way to happiness is to secure lots of beautiful things. And yet, I see so many people with the perfect picture on the outside of a happy life who are anything but happy.
It’s not to say that beautiful things are not part of a well-lived life. But I dare say they cannot be the foundation or the essence of one.
Yes, I will eat a delicious home-made cookie again. However, if I am choosing the cookie to satisfy a feeling I want (like to make my life feel sweeter) or to distract myself from a feeling I don’t want to feel — then that’s where things can get wonky.
I also realized that living a more BARE life where I let all the parts of me be seen is part of what I crave more than the sugar. When I let one of the “me-s” drive by herself — the other ones get all whacked out and out of balance. And they don’t like to be hidden and in the corner– so to speak. It is a recipe for my addictive tendencies (using sugar and food to entertain me) to surface. I feel most comfortable in the ambitious me and I tend to lean on her a lot. However, the more I experience the magic of the spiritual world- the more I crave that in my everyday life (and realizing I need to make space for it).
And I’m learning that when I use food as fuel and not for all these other reasons— it becomes much more uncomfortable not to feel these underlying feelings– like boredom. Which as crazy as it sounds — is a good thing!
Here’s the amazing part— feeling the boredom is going to steer me toward a deeper awareness (yay!) and push me lovingly toward being seen as all of me— living an unapologetic life (which is what I am discovering I really want).
Life lived boldly — no excuses and complete responsibility for what that looks like.
The kind of life where you really own you — all of you and you do not apologize for taking up space, for having big dreams and believing in magic (and a fabulous cup of coffee!).
I share this with you as I know I am learning through all of you.
It may not be the food thing for you– it may be something else. What do you use in your life as a distraction? What do you use to possibly “make up for” not going after what you really want?
Can you take a “distraction cleanse” (whatever that may look like for you) for a few days and see what you discover?
Allowing the space to get quiet and listen is the gateway into this magical space.