The morning of my 35th birthday, I awoke in bed with my first husband.
I remember lying there, hoping to be with myself for a while– before he realized I was awake.
Because as soon as he noticed, he would be loving all over me– in ways that no longer interested me.
I sat there lying in bed with my eyes closed and this voice (clear like the Wizard of Oz) said to me “this cannot be your life 10 years’ from now”.
It was so clear in that moment– I could not allow myself to spend the next ten years in this same bed, in this same life, with these same patterns of hiding and being afraid to put myself first.
The rest of the day unfolded like a typical birthday—and I thought very little of that voice that spoke to me so clearly.
Later that week, I remember thinking to myself “how would I even go about disentangling myself from this life?”.
That question felt daunting. Seemingly impossible.
However, there was a small crack of potential gnawing at me from a very quiet place within me.
I couldn’t even imagine what a life a decade later could look like— I just knew ‘this’ wasn’t it.
So I pondered what could I do to entertain this nudging?
I would love to tell you that I dreamt up this elaborate plan and executed it flawlessly.
But what I realized in my own messy transformations and those I support with others— there is no road-map.
But there is something.
The next right thing.
In that moment, it was saying out loud to myself that I was interested in getting a divorce — this may seem trivial but it was a HUGE deal to me to tell my truth out loud to myself. Somehow if I didn’t say it out loud, it wouldn’t be real. I wouldn’t have had to do something about it.
There were a series of little next right things– including telling my best friend. Visiting a divorce lawyer. Many nights of getting snuggled up to my fears so I could learn to be with them, rather than having them tell me what I couldn’t, shouldn’t, can’t do.
My divorce was only small piece of the last decade– even though it feels quite significant because it was where I started.
Where I started to tell straight truths much more frequently.
Where I started to listen and let my soul guide me.
Where I started to allow the pain (I had buried within me) to surface and be felt.
Where I started to ask myself ‘what is the next right thing?’ (right being connected to my heart brain and not my head).
So, I ask you . . . ‘what is the next right thing’ you want to do?
Maybe it’s nothing. Or a nap. Or a new job.
Put your hand on your heart and let it speak to you.
Be brave and listen.
You’ve got this.
This next thing and the next one after that.
Forget what has already happened or what will happen.
Focus instead on what matters, here, now.
Transformation isn’t sweeping grand gestures. It’s typically all the little course corrections that seemingly are small and insignificant. But in truth, are the ways our true north guides us.
When I look back, I see the power of each choice. Each baby step. Each inspired action that called in my courage, my faith in myself and my ability to create something new.
And when you falter, fail or get messy– rest in the knowing that this is part of the journey too.
Two days ago was my 45th birthday –10 years ago the voice whispered a new direction to me. That feels like forever ago and yesterday.
All the next little right things add up.
Like I know they will when I look back at 55 and see how the magic of this decade unfolds.
If you aren’t sure how to hear the voice or how to navigate the next step, I’d love to talk together. This is my specialty — navigating transformations. Of the little and big varieties.
Here’s to choosing us. Our voices. Our soul maps. The little steps that create the decades of our lives.
All my love,
PS. Want to know how to hear the next right thing? I’ve got you. Let’s talk.