Over the weekend, we threw a fabulous shower for a friend of mine getting married in the fall. We had an amazing time celebrating her upcoming love union and the party turned out fantastic.

As much as I enjoyed hosting the shower, I found it another home grown experiment to see what was underneath my typical gravitational pull toward sugar.

As I prepped my house and decorated, a little voice inside me made lots of critical observations: “are you sure this looks good enough? Will people like what you did? Will they like you now that they’ve seen your home (a proverbial opening on your underwear drawer)?

Those questions swirled around inside me for hours. I found myself obsessing over the little things in each room as a way to control those questions. And when I made a batch of cookies later that night, I found myself drawn to the cookie dough.

In that moment, I stopped and asked myself one question. “What is going on here?”.

Shower CakeWow. I was knee-deep in people pleasing 101. I thought I could control the external circumstances in order to make people like me. And a layer deeper than the beautiful lavender cake— I wanted to prove to myself that yes, I am good enough. I am someone worthy of being liked.

It was a quick uncovering this time– and just this little conversation did a world of good to own where I was and let myself have my human-ness. Of course, I want to be liked— I am a person.

And after those few moments, I sat down, relaxed and reminded myself that no matter what happens, I am delightful and a party has nothing to do with that truth.

Next time you are having guests over and you are fretting about what the house looks like or will the food turn out in an edible fashion– stop and ask yourself “what is going on here”?

On a related note— most people don’t even pay any attention to the details we stress over (and if they do, they aren’t the kind of people I want at my parties!!!).