So I was the person who tried to have a “perfect” life. Who wanted the status, the gold stars, the polished look of happy. (Check me out talking about this very thing in one of this week’s Love Tips).
Guess what? That path led me straight into the darkest spot of my life.
I was an impostor. Lying to myself and others because I was afraid of the truth. Afraid to say “I no longer choose this– I no longer want this” — “This life” is making me sick, tired and disconnected from what I believe I’m here on the planet to share.
I was the sickest I’ve ever been. I had pneumonia for two months. I wore a halter monitor for days to find out why my heart was racing constantly. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I had a weird skin rash for three months. I had IBS so severely that I didn’t leave the house for almost a year unless I had to.
My body was tired of the charade. Tired of living good enough. Sick of mediocrity.
At some point I was so exhausted. Exhausted from struggling with my body — exhausted with struggling to be something that the world approved of.
I couldn’t do it anymore. So, I emptied my life upside down and shook out all the contents. Not easy. There was a good amount of pain, confusion and tears.
I wondered what the hell I was doing most days.
And yet, I wouldn’t change my decisions. I wouldn’t change my path. As I cried until my body heaved in defeat and release, I felt the smallest twinge of “yes, this is right”.
Knowing what you want— is the first step. I wanted something more authentic.
Something that made me want to get out of bed in the morning rather than hide under the snooze button and covers.
Having the courage to be steadfast– even when it’s not easy– and when it doesn’t come in a pill that magically transforms.
I thought for a long time that just making the choice would instantly make my life — easier, happier, “perfect”.
I had to learn for myself that perfect was keeping me from me.
That perfect was never going to be the secret to a life lived from my soul’s joy.
So, I stopped trying for perfect. Stopped polishing my life on the outside. I asked instead for truth.
I found magic in messy, sloppy, imperfect living.
My body agreed and slowly began to heal.
Today, I want to share permission for all of us to be ourselves. To stop trying to be something that looks pretty or successful on the outside. We are enough already. Nothing else needed.
Go inside to your soul space– freedom, peace and acceptance are waiting for you.